Welcome to my Blog
A collection of personal thoughts and poetry on life and death
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Too many tears
Too many tears, years gone byToo many times we’ve wept and criedAs grief evolves causing shifts and changeI sit and stare at my empty page For now I have no words of sadnessFor today my grief has become such gladnessHow lucky was I to have you in my lifeFor my Dad to have had you
My Love
My love another year gone byAnother walk, another cryAnother first, corner turnedAnother candle flicks and burns The tears still come just not as oftenThe pain in my heart yields and softensMy breath returns with every dayI slowly learn to live this way My soulmate gone, half is missingBut I can’t spend year on year just
Marbles Legacy
Colours blue and red and whiteHeart as noble as a knightPeaceful, sassy, full of joyHappy loving fishy boy My value wasn’t less than anotherjust simply because you can go buy my brotherI’m not replaceable like a potMy soul was unique, a one only lot Please don’t speak words like ‘just a fish’Make this my one
Dust
Another year has turned to dustSoldier on I know I mustThe bitter sting not quite so searingNot quite so overwhelming feelings But with this, my heart feels sadAre memories fading of times we hadWhy doesn’t my heartache as once beforeDo I not miss you any more? I do, of course, miss you just as muchEvery
My Boy
An entire year without my boyWithout his spark, without his joyNo massive grin, no flailing feetNo desperation to come and greet The world keeps turning, life goes onWe all miss the light that he brightly shoneThe stability his energy gaveHe knew how to make the girls behave Cheeky grin and happy soulMoments with him were
This grief I know
This grief I know, it comes and goesIt tingles my spine, it curls my toesIt comes to me, out of the blueand I feel the pain as if it were new But I am so afraid that it might endThat the feelings I have for my friendMight lessen, weaken or otherwise dullWhat happens if they
A little about why I write….
People often think of empowerment as being strong and untouchable, steaming through life, unstoppable, winning and celebrating. But empowerment is dictionary described as “the process of becoming stronger and more confident, especially in controlling one’s life and claiming one’s rights”. That means expressing and owning who you are in its entirety. For me this year,
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The Hollow
Hollow dark and oh so grimTwisting, turning, living thingExpanding, filling space and timeThis gaping hole, this grief of mine Opens wide and sucks things inCrushes deftly, makes me spinClaws and maims and gouges outBinds, releases, strong and stout It waits, bides time and rushes inThis overwhelming, dangerous thingIt comes from nowhere, pulls me to itMoving
Reflections of a teardrop
Reflections of memories dancing brightOf magic and hope, of love and lightAs I make steady my track and choose my pathI leave droplets of pain, my aftermath For to have known love in this lifetimeYou will have met me beforeYou will have stroked and caressed meas I fell to the floor You will have cursed
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No Doubt
Be kind and be loving, be the changeBe the giver of good, the energy exchange Set examples to young and old alikeWhen injustice occurs take up the mic Help people find strength and courage withinEncourage them forward to fight for the win Tell others to be true to their way and their beingWhen they feel
You knew me and you loved me so
You knew me and you loved me soWanted to stay but time to goI know you fought until the endBut twas time for body and soul to mend I sit without you, empty shelland long to hear you ring your bellTo do happy spins, to bark and shoutTo squeak your Kong and to run about
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Self Worth
If you asked anyone, “where would you find self worth?”. What do you think the answer would be? Within yourself? Within others? I think the majority would quite happily declare ‘within yourself’ as the correct answer. and yet….. If we are truly honest with ourselves how would we really answer the question “Where do you
It Was You
It was you that grew, you that flewIt was you that fought the feisty fightTo allow your dreams to take up flight Don’t let anyone say it isn’t trueLet no one utter that you’re not renewedFor phoenix from ashes I see hereThe vision I have its strong and clear Your future you have well embracedYour
She Lives On
In scents of Olay, nail lacquer entferner, roasting beef and summer sun.Pictures of feet up, laid back, rays bronzing legs and peace firmly etched in on her faceIn summer ice creams slurped with a wry smile and a cheeky game of cardsSoft hands, long fingers and kindness, never ageing, smiles while I paint her nails
My Best Boy
I can’t do this but I know I mustI have your love, I’ve earned your trustThe time is near to say goodbye So to draw my inner strength I try My heart is broken, my soul destroyedI can’t see a future living with this voidYou’re my better half, my life, my joyYou’re my special lad and
My Mum – A year gone by
Fireworks comes but once a yearExcited children full of cheerLooking forward to noise and bright, bright colourA time of year unlike no other For me this year the time has changedMemories and thoughts rearrangedWhen rockets sore and squeal up highMy sadness deepens and heart does cry A year ago I kissed her cheekFull of beauty
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Happy Birthday Mum x
So here I sit and its plain to seeWhat being a mum is meant to meanUnconditional love and patience aboundKnowing in you, comforts always found I only hope I’ve been half as goodIt was my mum who taught me so I think I shouldBe able to fulfil, all that is within the roleOf helping my
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Square peg, round hole
You’ll never fit a square peg in a round hole no matter how much time goes bybut square pegs aren’t made for round holes so why would you even try?Round holes are surely wonderful and for some they fit a treatBut square pegs also float my boat and for some jobs wont be beat So
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Things change
Things change, a well known saying goesIts often said and always trueMakes it no easier when it happensLeaves us feeling no less blue Its easy to forget the care requiredTo keep connections strong and boldWhen they haven’t been tended well enoughThey become frayed and tired and old Its hard to believe the truth sometimesLooking back at love once sharedTimes
Legacy
Mothers day its plain to seeThe hardest one ever for meNo card to buy, no shopping doneNo present for my beautiful mum I thank the lord from deapest depths of my heartThat from my memories I’ve not had to partEach one is a blessing and a curseThey bring both smiles and wounds to nurse There
Priceless…
A style of jumper, a lipstick wornIt’s amazing what can make me feel tornMemories of time all gone byTruth be told, time really does fly Images drift through my mindI honestly know life has been kindSome warm my heart, some make me sadbut treasured are all, for each one I’m glad Our time in Maldon
Today’s a gift, that’s why they call it the present – or is it ?
I always used to love the say, today is a gift, that’s is why they call it the present. I now think differently, yes today is indeed a gift that is totally to be treasured but I think its called the present to remind us that is what we need to be. I don’t dislike
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You have no power over me!
This blog could also be called ‘Just say no!’ but as the sad news of David Bowie passing away reached my ears I figured this line from the Labyrinth was far more appropriate. My thoughts are with all those affected by his passing especially his nearest and dearest. I have spent a lot of time
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Happy new year Mum xxx
A new year dawns, brings hope and tearsLooking back through all those yearsThe first without you, its noticeableBut I will be as positive as I am able I’m sat here thinking of years gone byas I try hard not to focus on the question, whymemories my head aboundpictures of your face dance around Happy times,
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Everything comes at a price
At first glance this post may seem anything but a spiritual one but it is in fact one of the most important messages on your journey “Everything comes at a price”. Most people think immediately in monentary or spiritual terms but there are lots of other ways to pay for things in life, energy, freedom,
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Merry Christmas Mum xxx
As Christmas time grows good and nearWe are told our hearts should be full of cheerEach carol sung seems empty and hollowFestive spirits a bitter pill to swallow Decorations now are only half hungTinsel missing and lights not strungCards not written and food not boughtThis year just seems it’s all for nought My heart feels
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I can see
I can see my mum, She’s dancing around my headVisions of her smiling faceTucking me into bed I can see my mumA hand of cards she holdsTrying not to disappoint my girlHer winning hand she folds I can see my mumStirring her warming potMaking her special gravy dish‘be careful the dish is hot’ I can
My Dearest
My dear old mum was feistyNever a truer words been said“Never let others tell youWhat sitting in your head” My dear old mum was kindHonest and true right through and through“treat others with love and careand they will do the same thing too” My dear old mum was stubbornand always knew just what to do“swear
Time
Time stands still for no oneNever a truer words been saidTonight I sit alone and cryKnowing no one is in her bed My dear kind mum I miss herThough I hear her words run through my headI wish I could hold or kiss herI hold each memory dear instead I cant believe that weeks have
Today
Today I lost my dearest mumToday the world stood stillToday the sound of silence rangIn the field I felt the chill Today I lost my dearest mumToday my tears did flowToday my heart did shatterPlease mum, no really, oh dont go… Today I curl and hide myselfHow does the world go on?Today just shouldnt happenI